I am just waiting for the ticket prices to go lower.
Might have to cancel plans to visit Boracay with Marni and Soffi.
But, I am still bringing Ian to the waterfalls at Kawasan.
The itinerary is pretty much done up, with contingency plans sorted out.
I'm gonna make the best of my one week there.

Ian's birthday plans is still in the making.
I've booked the venue.
Now it is left to invites, party favours, cake and caterer.

Told Denise that I wanted her to be a part of this, being Ian's godma and all.
But she said my birthday is first.
But when one becomes a parent, her needs usually takes second place; The kid will always be top on the priority list.
Who gives a shit that I turn 21 this month.
Yes, it is the big year. The year to welcome adulthood.
But my son is turning one, yo.
I consider that journey of his to be waay more significant.

When I heard how he said his promises to her,
It reminded of how I made my promises once before.
Unfortunately, things always go unappreciated.
Why do we conveniently allow ourselves to be used and taken advantage of?
Are we THAT vulnerable.

Ian is like a dog, cat, and monkey.

Dog, coz he LOVES to bite. Bites me all the time;
Cat, coz he ENJOYS crawling in and out, and under the dining table, high-chair and what-have-you;
Monkey, coz he finds joy in climbing up his play-pen or just about anything.

So, what is occupying my mind now, is his birthday party:

• Venue:  check
• Guest list: semi-check
• Invites: Will work on it
• Food: undecided
• Party-Favour: I'm working on it

We sat on the Singapore Flyer.



Ian is damn fortunate that I am in the public service;
I get all these corporate discounts, so he gets to enjoy all these shit.

Right now, I am planning for his birthday,
and the trip to the Philippines.
Spa and full-body massage in Cebu City on the 5th;
Fiesta in San Sebastian, Bato on the 7th,
Rest and Relax in between;
Manicure and Pedicure on the 13th;
Cousin's Wedding on the 14th.

Big plans, Yo.

If you tell yourself you have no reason to live,
Ask yourself first:
What reason have you to die?

My status assumed by people: Married but available.

My colleagues saw me with Ian at the Exhibition. But I am neither lying nor denying about my relationship with him. I am just keeping mum. Keeping my private life to myself. I know I will have to deal with discrimination somehow. Hell, I will have to deal with discrimination as long as I am alive. People of my kind aren't socially accepted yet. We might never be.

Damn.

No. 1 is planning his engagement.
No. 2 is, well, I don't give a shit.
And Sebastian Bro sounds fuckenly like No. 3. So I hate to talk to him on the phone.
Why must you pretend like you dunno me, yo.

Anyhow, I saw a pleasantly good-looking architect this morning. Filipino.
Filipinos are getting more gorgeous.
Mom would be delighted if I get to marry a Filipino guy.
If only, huh.

After having Ian, I do wish to have a ring around the finger.
It would surely be the most beautiful accessory among the many I wear.

How nice would it be, to have Ian walk down the aisle with me one day.
In church.
He would be my ring-bearer.

Twice I witnessed a shooting star.
I should just stop wishing.
Coz it would just be mere wishful-thinking.

I shall just work my time away to keep myself from hoping for a better tomorrow.

Coz Faith, Hope and Love are bull.

The Exhibition went great.
After I was done with my shift for the day, I stole a few moments to take a few photographs with the little man while Minister of National Development Mr Mah Bow Tan was making his addressing speech:

   

So, I have discussed with mom.
She ain't for the idea of me taking up a part-time job.
But, I explained to her the situation.
And the thing about me, is that I am stubborn.
Once I have made my mind up about something, there will be no change.

So with mom working part-time during the day on weekends,
and myself working part-time in the night during the weekends,
I am hoping the finances are taken care of.
I might be neglecting Ian a little, though.
But, this is what I want.
No social life.
It is work and home during the week days to make up for lost time with Ian.
I don't wanna know any one new.
Don't wanna do anything new.

I gotta make sure the family makes it for the trip to the Philippines this September.
Cousin Dongmae is getting married and Ian is gonna walk the couple down the aisle.
Gave mom the go-ahead to have Ian stay there for a whole FUCKEN month while I return home after a week.
Sheesh.
Was advised to let Ian see what is out there.
Without me.

Alleluia.

Yeah okay, I lost weight, unintentionally.
Not yet my desired weight.
But one can never be satisfied, can we.
However, at the rate I've been gorging myself, I'm gonna be a fat slob again.

Work has been great anyway.
Cannot wait for the exhibition on 17 May, Saturday.
We have been working hard as hell this past month, with emails being sent out even at 2300hrs.
Workaholics.
But the team has been really tight.

Sorry Ant. Doubt I can be there for Dr. Dray(den)'s One Month celebration.
And please don't be drinking Bailey's no more.

Why can't He just get it.
I ain't no mina tompang no more.
I ain't your mina motor.
I don't really care if they wanna send their regards to me.
But I'm not gonna be with you at no 'escorts'.

Helmi said Ian looks hell alot like his Dad.
And kept asking me why I have to keep Him out of our lives.
Guess one will only understand when in my position.

Come into my World.
Don't.